Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
