I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
