i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have feelings that need drinking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
