just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
