He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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