What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
