The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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