Kareoke will never be a sober sport
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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