everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
