Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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