This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
