My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
