maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
