i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You left your phone here
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