i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
