i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
