why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
