I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
