if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
