Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
