apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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