YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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