This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
