I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I met the friendliest cop last night
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
