If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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