Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
