It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
