on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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