I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
