yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
