she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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