At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
