Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
