just survived the first fart of the relationship.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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