we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
