We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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