shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
