you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
