there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
