No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
