i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
