Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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