i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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