shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
