he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
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