I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
