so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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