Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
