shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
