I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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