Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
