I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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