Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
