im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
