don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it was like eating out sand paper
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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