so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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