i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
