There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
