If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
