She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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