I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize