Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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