Pants 0. Shit 1.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
