A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
