I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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