how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
