I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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