Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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