i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
