At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't trust your balls anymore.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
