Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
