singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
