someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
