Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
