I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
