i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
