He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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