John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
