So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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