He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
