sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
